Intertwined Strings
by nina-linda234
Summary: AU. Kazuki is a depressed college student. Ban is a heartless campus player. I leave the rest up to you! BanxKazu
1. Melody of Denial

**_Disclaimer:_** I don't own Get Backers but everyone should pitch in to buy me the 1st and 2nd season pack by Nov. 30th (EI: My birthday!)

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I lied down in the bathing tub. My face blank as I stare up at my refection in the ceiling through the mirrored ceiling. Today will make it a year…. 

A year of denial…

A year of secrecy…

A year of lies…

All because of an accident.

It was by accident. Just like our meeting. Just like everything that happened between that man and I. It was all a honest mistake. I know that there could be nothing involving the two of us. He made sure to tell so every time spent the night. That was fine with me. And besides I couldn't complain. I didn't have anyone to cry with. Even if I wanted to. Who would I complain to? I won't complain to myself…I'll go crazy…

When I cry it's always in solitude.

And him…I'll never discuss this with him….

There was to be no feelings in what he and I did. Not like or dislike. Not passion or lust. And especially not love. There was no specifications on hate, though if that was the case I wouldn't let him touch me in the way he does. Everything we did was simply done. There was no motive or intent. He was there and so was I. He could have done it with anyone. He wanted the physical without feeling and so jaded that I was willing to receive any attention given to me.

What do you want me to say. I'm hopeless romantic. I desire to be wanted, needed, loved.

I probably am.

I admit I have not had a single relationship that I wasn't forced into with emotion blackmail, arranged by an outside source or a one sided affair doomed for failure. Perhaps I chose to partake in this because I know I'm not good at being in love and I didn't have to be in this association.

He desires the basic thing everyone desired from me, and It was as simple to grant. If anyone else knew about these _sessions _and were asked for their opinion of his and mine actives it would be something along the lines of him taking advantage of me and him being a cruel, heartless, son of a bitch which is what everyone (aside from a select few) thought he was. Everyone would side with me and scorn him, though there is no siding. Ha! I don't know how everyone perceives me as gullible and fragile. I wasn't innocent.

I lived in Mugenjou for half my life. I've been beaten nearly to death, and killed if not permanently crippled more people than I dare to count. I have been the picture of cruelty and have been a leader in the top gangs that ruled lower town. Hell, am the only person brave or stupid enough to go to the beltline not once not twice but trice in a lifetime.

I really didn't mind doing it anyway. This had to be the only thing that I was never forced to wear a smile for… I didn't need to be happy or sad.

'Cheaper than a whore and just as good in bed. Not to mention more discreet… you can fool yourself all you want but I know the truth…'

A dark form embraced me in a tender but cruel manner. Only I felt that cold felt cradling me.

'You desire his eyes.'

I shook despite the warmth of the bath.

'You desire his arms.'

I hunch over in the large tub as if I've been kicked in the stomach.

'You yearn for his love…you want him to save you?'

I start rocking myself back and forth as desperate attempt to calm myself.

The thought brings a sick smile to my face as I listen to the voice in my head bully me. I'm not a hypocrite. I'm not complaining. That was the voice's job. I'm just…reassuring myself that this was all because of an accident. It started as an accident. Without planning or deliberate intent. The sessions were all just random happenings and accidents. It was all completely by chance. That it wouldn't matter even if I was being used because it was the same chance as before.

Though maybe it was me doing the using… I'm, if nothing else emotional crippled after Saizou used my hands to kill himself and my name to justify it. The man who was my lover and would have been my husband… Maybe I'm using him to make up for Saizou's absence. But either way he always made it clear…

I had no significance in his life…

He wouldn't value any significance in mine…It's just not in his personality.

I've never raised above being an acquaintance with benefits…

Nothing…

I'll always be nothing.

Because I'll never the one Mido Ban truly wants…

I frighten myself with that last thought. I can't think like this… The voice will win if I do. And this is why I shouldn't be left to my thoughts…I always end up the one confused. I always end up feeling this longing and sorrow.

A gleam of sliver flashed in the corner of my eye. It lied there, begging me to pick it up. My tears flow freely down my eyes. That same blade had been offering me a way out since day one. From my insecurities, my confusion, my pain. I slowly reached over for the thin blade positioning it over my pulsing wrist. What reason did I have to be… Jubbei and Ren are married, and have a life. Toshiki and Sakura are together as well.

I'm the only one still alone…

What I'm needed for…

**

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STOP!!!**

CHOSE A SITUATION!

(1) Have Kazuki cut himself

(2) Something stops him


	2. Challenge!

**All right guys! If you like t.A.T.u. listen up!**

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If you guys can guys can guess **_which song from inspired 'Intertwined Strings'_** I will post the next two chapters. 

Why I'm I doing this?...

The hell if I know! I just wanna see if the first chapter and the song's lyrics ring a bell like they were suppose to.

It's a pretty obvious if you listen to the song closely and even easier if you scan the lyrics.

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**I've give you all a few hints:**

(1) It's from "T.a.t.u."!

(2) Remember "This was an accident"

(3) I first heard the song at YouTube on a Loveless AMV

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There's your clues! And BTW:

**Choice (1)** - Go to Chapter 2 when posted..

**Chioce (2)** - Go to Chapter 3 when posted.


	3. Same Tune

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Disclaimer: I don't own GB but I'm a proud supporter of the artist and author! I love you Aoki-Sensei and Ayamine-Sensei!

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**Authors Note: **I'm so sorry for the delay. School and work had blind sighted me and I had to transfer my files into a new computer (Hugging laptop "I love you, baby…"…Intense ogling of the technological beauty. **Saner-self: **sweat drop) and now that all is in order I can give you a completed chapter.

Thanks for the reviews! I know I promise two sides of the story and I'm going to do it, but in a different way. If anyone has ever watched 'Sliding Doors', It will be similar to that (I guess). I'm still working it out as of now but everything seems be running smooth for now.

Lots of love to all that reviewed! It makes me happy to know readers are out there!

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**Also, I would like to make a special dedication to my Biggest Fan and fellow writer _'Euphoria Mustang'_, formally known as _'Anihuny'_. This one is for you! **

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**Also, I give special thanks to Beta's _"Reika Itsumi"_ and _"The JohhnyMcKilt Productions"_ whom helped to improve _"Intertwined Strings"_ to it peak and I hope to work with them again soon! **

**PS: **Yes! 'Show me Love' was the inspiration for my baby, "Intertwined Strings" for all of the brave ones who guessed! I love that song! Tatu rules!

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**Chapter 2**: Same Tune

I walked through the campus grounds. The snow was falling to the ground silently, covering the campus grounds and all of Shinjuku in a smooth quilt of the silvery ice-crystals, untouched, and glistening beautifully. Blue shadows played over the thick sheets of white in the now frigid part of Japan.

I cursed at the cold that had plagued Shinjuku and my dorm room. My roommate, Amano Ginji, and I had been late in paying (or more likely refused) to pay the bill. It was freaking outrageous anyway. How the hell could a microscopic one-bedroom dorm that costs 300 yen a month run up a 400 yen heating bill out of nowhere! Those bastards are probably just trying to leech off broke students for kicks.

To top it all off, the pipes are icicles thanks to the damn cold! That room is uninhabitable in the winter without heat! Hell, it's warmer outside than it is in that rundown apartment. Ginji went off to see if he could find some place for us to stay for a few weeks until we can pay off that stupid bill and have the damned pipes thaw out but I'd rather not relay his friends.

For one, they all hate my living guts and would have loved a chance to rip them out. Two, I could find a place to stay by myself. It's not like I don't have my own connections and fall backs. I'll sleep in my ladybug before I relay on Monkey-boy Shido. I have my pride!

I stopped to look around at where I landed in my aimless walk.

_Shit_. I cursed to myself, trying to suppress the anger that was building up inside.

West Campus.

Building One.

Back Entrance…

…Just like what I've been doing for a year, and more times than I care.

I came here by accident. I took off my shades and rubbed my eyes, secretly glancing at the dorm. On the top floor of the five-story, brick building, three windows from the center, I stared at the familiar balcony with the corner of my eye. The only thing different was that there was now an ash tray set on the small wooden table and a chair that was at bit worn, courtesy of the dorm's occupant.

_Fuuchouin Kazuki._

Just as me coming here, just like most things between us, our meeting was an accident too. Neither of us was warned. Everything was spontaneous and unplanned between--I sighed, catching myself. Dammit…I'm doing it again. Saying 'us' and 'we' like if he and I are connected. He and I aren't lovers or even friends for that matter. I drilled it into his and my skulls every time we…

"Damn..."

I entered the dorm through the back door and walked through the narrow hallway that would eventually lead to the lobby. Once I was out of the hallway I looked to my left. The open sitting area and computer room were empty as expected at 6:45 in the morning on a snow day. To the right, the elevators were all opened and on the home floor.

He and I aren't together. One-night stands aren't meant to work like that. I can do whatever I want and he can do whatever he wants and I can't interfere. It's not my place to.

'_Then why in the hell do you always end up here? Why is it that you always come back for more!?'_

I stood quiet as my conscience decided to return from god knows where.

'_Oh, I get it …'_

I can't be…There is simply no way.

_Shut the fuck up NOW! _I sent the criticizing voice packing. I don't need the confusion. As if I know why I came here, of all the damned places I could be.

Stepping into the elevator I press the button, the one to the middle of the right. I don't even have to check panel anymore.

I can't feel anything towards people. Everyone I do care about ends up hating me for the rest their lives or loving me to death. Either way, it would ultimately lead to ruin anyway.

_He_ would make sure of that…

Ha! It's not like I have much. Oh well, doesn't mean I can't have some fun. I guess one could think I'm substituting what I can't feel emotionally with the carnal. It makes sense. Maybe that's the catch--. But oh well, you don't need intimacy for sex, do you?

As long as there isn't any love involved, everything is straight. He cannot interfere right?

_I can do whatever I please. 'He may do whatever he pleases.'_

I twitched slightly.

_I can do whatever I like. 'He may do whatever he likes.'_

A frown makes its way to my features.

_I can be with whoever I want. 'He can be with whomever he wants.'_

My eyes darkened.

_He cannot interfere. 'I cannot interfere.'_

I felt my knuckles whiten.

_I'm not with him. 'He is not with me.'_

I scowled**.**

Anger--no, frustration was coursing through me as the voice mocked me. That fucking voice was starting to piss me off. But why? For stating the damn obvious? For reminding me that this 'thing' we have going on has a two street…

And it's not like it bothers me, right? It shouldn't bother me, right? It can't bother me… that can't be right…

I hesitated before glancing ahead of me, at the reflection of myself in the full length mirror. Something, probably that damned voice told me that the answer was on me, on my face, in my demeanor. When I finally raised my head, I was met by something I never expected to see.

_Ding. Crack._

...the sound of broken glass and my now rapid footsteps echoed loudly as I made a beeline from that damn elevator and down the hallway to left, putting my now bloody right fist in my jacket pocket. I literally can't afford to be caught, replacing that mirror is not in my budget. Please rest assured that I, Ban Mido, don't usually go around breaking random mirrors. But I shouldn't have- I can't admit that I made that expression, that the thing I'm feeling. That this emotion--

'_Is jealousy' t_he voice chimed again.

ENOUGH! I've been with more women than I care to count. On and off campus, it doesn't matter to me. Ditto for guys! I am the 'Invincible Ban', dammit! I can have any piece of ass I fucking want and have it replaced, same day notice. It isn't cocky if it's true! What the fuck makes that effeminate bastard different?! He isn't the first and he won't be the last either.

I stopped in mid-step for two reasons--one to stop thinking because the shit coming out of my mental mouth was fucking scary. At first I thought I was I was placing my psyche in check but now…

'_What the fuck makes that effeminate bastard different!'_

It has to be hypothermia. My head is fucked up because of the cold, being out in below zero weather…It has to be the-- ah to hell with it all!

My second reason for stopping was that I had already reached my destination.

Dorm 5-09.

_Thread-spool. Fuuchouin. Kazuki. What the hell am I--Are **we** doing? And what the hell are you to me, now?_

Shit. Well, I'm already here. Somehow, I felt different this time. The feeling was vague and brief, though, like the calm before the storm, parse. Like what I did right now would be the shape of the outcome, and the answers to my questions, but the feeling was so faint I quickly brushed it off.

I raised my hand toward the door, knowing little of the impact this visit would have on--_us_.

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**A\N: Whoa, that took some time...But it was all worth it! Seriously I think this is favorite theme!**

**Well, please Review. Even a simple nice one is appreciated.**

**Until next time, Ja ne!**

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